The Etiquette of Wedding Planning With AI

We share the dos and don'ts of using the emerging technology.
AI and wedding generated image
Illustration by Tiana Crispino for The Knot
sarah hanlon entertainment and celebrity editor the knot
Sarah Hanlon
sarah hanlon entertainment and celebrity editor the knot
Sarah Hanlon
Entertainment & Celebrity Editor
  • Sarah is the Entertainment & Celebrity Editor for The Knot, with special focuses on pop culture and celebrity wedding news.
  • Before joining The Knot Worldwide, Sarah was a contributing writer for Bravo at NBC Universal.
  • Sarah has a degree in journalism and resides in New York City.
Updated Apr 20, 2023

Technology and wedding planning go hand-in-hand. (After all, so much of your to-do list can be accomplished in the palm of your hand.) Within the last decade, digital resources like social media and online planning tools have been adopted by practically every couple for the planning experience, making wedding prep easier and more interactive than ever before. But beyond getting inspo from viral TikToks or aesthetically inspiring Instagram reels, there's a new wedding planning tool gaining popularity: artificial intelligence.

As AI software becomes more accessible, couples and wedding vendors are beginning to integrate this technology into the wedding planning experience. And, believe it or not, it may become more mainstream than you expect. Here, we break down all the ways AI can help you plan your wedding, along with essential etiquette rules that accompany this emerging trend.

Meet the Expert: Daniel Post Senning is an etiquette expert and a spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute. The great-great-grandson of Emily Post, he's also the author of multiple etiquette guides and co-hosts the podcast Awesome Etiquette.

Can You Use AI to Plan Your Wedding?

So, can AI really plan your wedding for you? The answer is yes—kind of. At first thought, it may be enticing to let AI write your wedding vows or thank-you cards. After all, outsourcing these sorts of tasks can seem like an easy way to save time and minimize stress. But while there are some benefits to using AI to plan your wedding, there are also a few etiquette caveats to consider. Use discretion when relying on tech for such meaningful moments, particularly because weddings are deeply sentimental (and with anything automated, the sentiment gets lost). "There are valid uses for AI in the wedding planning journey, but it's something couples should discuss together," says etiquette expert Daniel Post Senning. "Think about the tenets of etiquette: consideration, respect and honesty. Honesty should inform this decision making. You wouldn't ever want to be in a position where you were deceiving someone, or where you were playing off AI work as your own."

If you and your partner are tech savvy—or you just want to try your hand at this buzzy trend—there are plenty of thoughtful ways to incorporate AI in your wedding experience. As with all other planning decisions, though, it should be something you both agree on. "Approach a conversation about using AI as part of wedding planning as something fun," Senning suggests. "It's new, and it's interesting to be on the vanguard of this technology. Take extra care, because you're an ambassador for how something is used and perceived by other people, so there's added responsibility to it."

Six Ways AI Can Be Used For Your Wedding

If you and your partner are both on board to experiment with AI as a wedding planning resource, you might wonder: Where do I even begin? New AI features are constantly developing, but there are practical use cases. We explore six compelling ways AI can be used to plan your wedding.

For Your Wedding Aesthetic

One of the earliest wedding planning duties couples face is defining their vision. The overall vibe of your big day will guide nearly every subsequent decision, like where you'll get married, your color palette, the chosen rentals, and the vendor team you'll hire. In the age of "rustic cottagecore" and "modern industrial" and "coastal grandmother," there's no shortage of wedding aesthetic inspiration out there. In fact, narrowing it all down can feel nearly impossible, but that's where AI comes in.

AI art generators have the power to bring your imagination to life by presenting collages and imagery. When you feel you've hit a creative wall or you can't visualize your dream wedding, try this as a planning hack. Start by identifying keywords to type into the art generator. Simple phrases like "rustic outdoor backyard wedding design" or "whimsical pastel wedding flowers" will auto-populate images that can guide your overall vision. Once you have examples of AI wedding art, add them to your wedding mood board. Refer to this overall aesthetic direction by searching for wedding vendors who can pull off the concept. (We're partial to The Knot Marketplace for vendor reviews and outreach-made-easy.)

For Website or Signage Wording

Weddings and writing go hand in hand. If this doesn't come naturally to you, the thought of penning a wedding website FAQ page or creating custom quotes for signage might feel daunting. Luckily, there are AI tools that can assist with this planning task. Even if you don't consider yourself AI savvy, you might be familiar with ChatGPT, the AI writing software rapidly gaining notoriety. Developed to act like a chatbot, ChatGPT has been designed to have human-like conversations with an understanding of language.

Fitting, then, if you're facing a tough case of writer's block. Whether you want a cheeky pun to put on your welcome sign or a witty play on words for your cocktail menus, ask ChatGPT to help generate wedding website text or signage ideas. Even if it doesn't create the perfect pun, you can use the AI-generated ideas as a starting point to complete your design.

For Wedding Budget Management

The thought of managing your wedding budget may keep you awake at night, especially if you don't consider yourself to be an expert in Excel spreadsheets. In addition to AI art generators and AI chatbots, AI personal finance tools also exist. Whether you need help allotting funds or staying on top of vendor payments, an AI finance tool may help keep you organized with your wedding budget progress.

Of course, we recommend applying your personal accounting skills as AI won't necessarily factor in every number while wedding planning. Doubling down on budget management, even if you choose to rely on AI, will help you and your partner stay focused on your progress and goals. But for couples who aren't sure how to start divvying up their budget, AI can be a beneficial resource.

For Social Media Suggestions

We know the importance of a great Instagram caption, which is why we've curated roundups for couples and guests, as well as every wedding event from the engagement to the bach party and the big day itself. If you've already browsed through our ideas and haven't yet found *the one,* ask an AI chatbot to generate some options for you. This may be particularly enticing if you want a customized caption that plays on your names or your wedding hashtag.

For Thank-You Notes

Sitting down after the big day to write thank-you cards is an essential postwedding task to complete, as it's your duty to graciously acknowledge the loved ones who spent their time and money to support your marriage. Knowing that AI can help produce wedding website text, signage and captions, you might think, "Can AI write my wedding thank-you notes?"

The answer is complicated. While AI chatbox tools may be able to provide examples of notes, this is one job that's best done with a personal touch. "I would not want AI to get in the way of ensuring that the expressions of thanks are genuine," Senning warns. Whether you write the thank-you card yourself or get some preliminary help from an AI tool, he adds that "both options will require you to think about the recipient." The etiquette expert also urges couples to remember the golden rules of thank-you notes: Address the recipient by name, and add personalized details in the card that mention exactly what you received and why you're writing them in the first place. "Thank the person specifically for the gift that they've given you," Senning suggests. "Make a reference to your relationship, the intent behind the gift, or the way you're going to use it."

If you do use an AI writing tool to create thank-you note templates, Senning encourages couples to take the extra time to write the text on a physical card. "I still suggest writing handwritten notes for wedding gift thank-yous because it shows the extra investment in time and personalization," he explains. "If AI can be a tool to do it well, then by all means, use it. But there's something special about seeing someone's handwriting, because it adds significance to the message."

For First Drafts of Speeches or Vows

Knowing that AI can help with some wedding writing tasks, it's easy to make the connection to wedding vows and speeches too. In theory, AI could write wedding vows, but this warrants a discussion with your partner. "There's ritual significance to your ceremony," Senning reflects, "so the way you approach your vows is really worth thinking about." If you do want to enlist the help of AI to draft an early version of your vows or generate some loose ideas to inspire you, he adds that it's crucial to talk to your S.O. rather than keep it to yourself. "Your partner's wishes really matter, so check with them first."

Similarly, writing the script for a public speech (like the reception toast) can be tricky. What matters most, though, is that you speak from the heart–something AI cannot replicate or guess as your cherished memories belong to you. Sharing words that are meaningful and personal will be more impactful than anything AI can generate.

"There is a quality of authenticity when someone speaks from their experiences or shares their unique perspective," Senning says. "That's one of the most special aspects of toasts or any public speeches. Speeches can be memorable for lots of different reasons, but most notably when they're sincere. As nerve-wracking as it might be to write it on your own, it may be hard to achieve that by offshoring the work."

Ultimately, when it comes to incorporating AI into your wedding, use your best judgment. While it can certainly be a helpful tool to inspire ideas or combat writer's block, consider it just that: a medium to get you to the final product. Don't forget to infuse all elements of your big day with your voice and your personality. After all, that's what's going to make it a memorable and tailored experience.

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