What Is a Lavender Marriage and How It Is a Form of Protection for the LGBTQIA+ Community

If you have ever heard the term lavender marriage spoken before, it's important to understand that its meaning has little to do with the plant or color. Rather, the phrase is an expression used to describe a specific kind of relationship created by members of the LGBTQIA+ community. While marriage is usually a bond to signify romantic love and commitment, queer people have used lavender marriage to protect themselves from persecution in unaccepting societies—especially when marriage amongst same-sex couples were illegal. While these unions were more prevalent in the past, a resurgence of hostile attitudes towards the LGBTQIA+ community has made some consider modern lavender marriages. "Despite progress, there are still many parts of the world where being openly queer is dangerous, even illegal," shared Edward Reese, gender and sexuality expert at Taimi. "In many states, a young person wouldn't want to admit to their conservative parents they're not straight. So, a lavender marriage might be a good way to prove to one—or both—individuals' families and communities that they are 'normal.'" Ahead, learn how to define lavender marriage and more about its history.

In this story: What Is a Lavender Marriage | Why Is It Called a Lavender Marriage | Lavender Marriage History

What Is a Lavender Marriage?

A lavender marriage is a marriage between a man and woman where either one or both members of the couple are homosexual. This arrangement is created knowingly to conceal the sexuality of one or both of the partners from society to help them avoid persecution. The pair will follow all wedding traditions and superstitions of their cultures for show, then live their lives as a couple to the outside world. Due to the couple's misaligning sexual preferences, this relationship can often be more of a friendship between the married couple. Some of these couples may have an arrangement with each other that allows them to have sexual relationships with their preferred gender in secret since they aren't attracted to each other. Since the couple has the appearance to society that they are a committed straight partnership, this gives the queer members of the relationship an ability to hide their sexuality in plain sight.

Why Is It Called a Lavender Marriage?

So what exactly is the lavender marriage origin? The word and color lavender has long been used to describe LGBTQIA+ identity and culture. The association dates back to the ancient Greek lesbian poet Sappho, who would write of her love for women with "violet tiaras." Lesbian women would give each other violets as a nod to Sappho in the 1920s. The color purple rose into prominence for male members of the queer community in the 1890s when Oscar Wilde wrote of "purple hours" to describe homosexual moments in his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray. By the 1930s, lavender began to be used as a term to target the gay community. During the Cold War, the "lavender scare" was a phrase used to define the persecution of homosexuals within government positions. Lavender was later reclaimed in the late 1960s as a term of resistance and was embraced by the LGBTQIA+ community. It particularly became associated with lesbians who formed a group called the "Lavender Menace," who would wear lavender sashes or armbands at rallies.

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It was during these periods of persecution that these protective marriages became popular as many LGBTQIA+ individuals tried to hide to protect their careers and safety. Since the term lavender was already associated with the community, lavender marriages became the term used to indicate that members of the marriage were queer. The phrase has continued throughout the decades as LGBTQIA+ people have continued to need these kinds of relationships for their safety.

Lavender Marriage History

While the history of weddings that are lavender marriages isn't always so clear to the public due to their secretive nature, there are some famous lavender marriages that took place in the first half of the 20th century—particularly in Hollywood. In the 1920s, many movie studios began to include morality clauses within the contracts of famous actors. These clauses were to maintain the image of a studio and allow them to reject being associated with and hiring publicly gay actors. They would either ask these actors to enter straight-appearing marriages directly, or the actors would enter them themselves to avoid extra scrutiny into their dating life.

Some of these famous lavender marriages include silent film star Rudolph Valentino's marriage to Jean Acker to dispel rumors of both of their homosexuality, heartthrob Rock Hudson's marriage to Phyllis Gates in the 1950s, actor Vincent Minnelli's marriage to Judy Garland, and their daughter Liza Minnelli's marriage to Peter Allen. While most of these relationships did end in divorce, they did serve as a way to have the press not talk about these stars' homosexuality in public and help maintain their careers. Lavender marriages have continued until this day as a way to keep queer people safe from a world that does not always accept them for who they are.