How to Keep the Spark Alive When You're With Your S.O. All Day

Prioritize intimacy.
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sarah hanlon entertainment and celebrity editor the knot
by
Sarah Hanlon
sarah hanlon entertainment and celebrity editor the knot
Sarah Hanlon
Entertainment & Celebrity Editor
  • Sarah is the Entertainment & Celebrity Editor for The Knot, with special focuses on pop culture and celebrity wedding news.
  • Before joining The Knot Worldwide, Sarah was a contributing writer for Bravo at NBC Universal.
  • Sarah has a degree in journalism and resides in New York City.
Updated May 11, 2020

Keeping the spark alive is important for any relationship, no matter the stage. And given the unusual circumstances couples are facing due to the COVID-19 pandemic, it can feel difficult to keep your relationship exciting when you're quarantined with your partner 24/7. Not to worry, though—keeping the romance alive in a relationship is possible even in quarantine. With a lot of dedication and a little creativity, you and your partner can make your physical and emotional intimacy a top priority. Here, we break down exactly how to keep the spark alive when you're together all day, everyday. By intentionally putting time and effort into strengthening your relationship, your romance will be stronger than ever.

Prioritize Intimacy

There's no better time to prioritize intimacy than when you're quarantined with your partner. Not only will it make your physical connection stronger, it'll boost your mood too. "It's crucial to make intimacy a priority during quarantine," says Liz Colizza, MAC, LPC, NCC, and Head of Therapy for relationship counseling app Lasting. "Difficult life seasons increase stress in individuals and relationships. You have to choose connection while feeling stressed, instead of allowing your stress to create emotional distance between you and your partner. This way, you'll stay emotionally connected and keep your relationship strong moving forward."

"You can prioritize sex together by talking openly about your desire levels, how stress interacts with your desire, how sex helps you feel in relation to your partner, what both of your desires styles are, and what both of your accelerators and brakes are for desire," she adds. "This is the perfect time to prioritize sex, because sex helps your body release oxytocin—the feel good hormone."

Find Your Emotional Spark

There's no denying the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship. But research indicates that the "spark" in your relationship doesn't actually come just from sex or physical time together—it stems from your emotional connection. "The most important 'spark' in your relationship is not the passion spark, but your emotional connection spark," Colizza explains. "The quality of your emotional connection is the single, largest factor determining your relationship stability and satisfaction. Your relationship health is not about how much you have sex or about how much you fight. It's about whether or not you feel that your partner is there for you."

Your emotional connection should always be a top priority, but especially now as you have plenty of time to share honest conversations about topics you otherwise wouldn't discuss in the hustle of normal life. This sudden, slower-paced lifestyle can allow you to prioritize quality time with your S.O. to ensure your emotional connection is stranger than ever. In turn, a stronger emotional bond will make every other aspect of your relationship better—even the physical. "Focusing on increasing your emotional connection is the best thing you can do for your relationship," Colizza adds. "Research actually shows that the 'spark' of physical intimacy relies upon your emotional connection."

Talk About What You Want

Given the importance intimacy has in a relationship, it's necessary to talk openly about your wants and needs. These conversations can be about what you want physically or emotionally. What matters most, though, is that you continue to have open and honest communication with your partner to ensure that you're always on the same page.

If your partner isn't satisfying something you want, it's important to talk openly about it—they can't read your mind, after all. Though it might feel like an awkward conversation to have, it's better to address the topic confidently and respectfully. Come prepared with thoughts and ideas, and listen to what your partner has to say too. By having an open mind and a willingness to hear their thoughts, you'll be able to openly discuss what you both want.

Learn Their Love Language

Believe it or not, learning your partner's love language is one of the best ways to keep the spark alive. The love language philosophy states there are five different ways in which people express and give love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. Take the short quiz while you're at home together to learn which language best describes you and your partner. Then, think about the ways that you can adapt to express your love in ways that will satisfy both of you.

For example, if your partner's love language is words of affirmation, make a conscious effort to verbally express your emotions. Or, if you learn their love language is acts of service, make a conscious effort to do things around the house you know they'll appreciate (like folding the laundry or cleaning up the kitchen without being asked). Plus, once you know their love language, you'll be more in tune with the ways they express their love. Having this knowledge will make you both better equipped to express and receive love. As a result, you'll keep the romance alive because you'll have a clearer understanding of how best to love your partner.

Put Your Phone Away

It's easier than ever to get swept into your Instagram or your TikTok feed, but it's important to be intentional about putting your phone away for one-on-one time with your partner. After all, nothing will ruin the moment like a text message or a Twitter video. It's vital you take time to disconnect from your device and reconnect with your partner. When you're able to give your undivided attention to your S.O., your emotional connection will have the ability to grow and strengthen—in turn, keeping the spark alive.

Be Intentional About Date Nights

If you're wondering how to keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship, don't underestimate the power of date night. To keep the spark alive, make a point to plan date nights—and do it frequently. This is your time to disconnect and focus on just each other. In fact, experts suggest that date nights should always be a top priority, no matter the stage of your relationship. "Keep dating each other," Colizza advises. "Live in the reality that you will never know everything about your partner and stay curious about who they are, how they think, what they feel, and what they want in life."

Having uninterrupted one-on-one time will allow you to reconnect and get back to the basics in your relationship. Even while you're dating from home, get dressed up and present your best self. While your partner will always love you for you, making an effort to look and feel your best will prove that you still care about the relationship.

Try Something New Together

Making new memories is yet another way to keep the spark alive. Spending time together will allow you to strengthen your emotional bond—and by trying something new together, you'll grow in your relationship and as individuals. Even while at home, there are ways to make your daily routine feel more exciting. "One way to keep the spark alive is to set aside specific times throughout the week to share activities together that you might not do otherwise," suggests Colizza. "Get dressed in something other than sweatpants, make a special meal, play a new board game, or have sex in different parts of your house. These are all ways to keep your relationship fresh, even if your environment is the same."

By trying something out of your ordinary routine, you'll learn more about yourself and your partner. You'll grow together (and make some fun memories along the way), and your bond will strengthen.

Plan for the Future, Shape Your Joint Goals

Another way to keep the romance alive in a relationship is to plan for the future. Not only will this keep you feeling excited about your relationship, it'll give you and your partner goals to strive for together. "Make a list now, during quarantine, of things you want to do together and separately after quarantine ends," she advises. "What places in your city or community do you want to visit? What restaurants do you want to try? Where do you want to travel to? Share your lists with each other and talk through all your desires and goals."

Having something to look forward to will make quarantine feel manageable. Plus, having shared excitement over your future will act as a way to keep your relationship focused on what matters most: experiencing your greatest moments together.

Share the 'Why' Behind Your Love

Regardless of what your partner's love language is, they'll surely appreciate hearing "I love you" more. Keeping the spark alive isn't always about grand gestures. Sometimes, you just need to remind your partner that you're grateful for them. Tell them why you love them, and say it often. Remind them when you're laughing with each other and when you're working through tough times. Romance isn't always about over-the-top displays of affection. Instead, your "spark" will be kept intact by the small moments, like saying "I love you" while you're drinking coffee in the morning or you're cooking dinner together at night. Although there are no strict rules that determine how to keep the spark alive, this is a must. After all, the "spark" will stay lit with a joint effort to keep it that way.

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