Exactly Who to Invite to Your Wedding, According to a Planner

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is likely one of the first big tasks you'll encounter when starting the wedding planning process, and it's a biggie for sure. The number of people you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style and most importantly, your budget. The more guests you invite, the more you'll likely spend, so it's not a decision to be taken lightly. If you're staring down a blank guest list doc, we're here to help you get started. We talked to wedding planner Laetitia "LT" Townson of House of BASH in Atlanta to give you the full rundown on how to decide who to invite to your wedding. And don't forget to check out The Knot Guest List Manager, a free tool to help you keep your crew organized.

In this article: Who to Invite to Your Wedding | How to Decide Who to Invite to Your Wedding | Flow Chart | Who Not to Invite to Your Wedding | Who Invites Guests to a Wedding

Who to Invite to Your Wedding

After getting engaged there's likely one important question on your mind: Who should I invite to my wedding? More importantly: Who do I have to invite to my wedding? The truth is that there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Your guest list will be influenced by a variety of factors such as your wedding budget, the size of your venue and your desired wedding vibe. While there's no real algorithm for who to invite to a wedding, etiquette suggests you start by considering the following groups of people.

Graphic: Falak Khoja

Immediate Family

When thinking about who to invite to your wedding, family members like parents, siblings and grandparents will likely be the first to come to mind. Immediate family, as well as stepparents, step siblings and half-siblings, should all make your A-list.

Best Friends and Chosen Family

Your closest friends and chosen family are also on the must-invite list. Chances are, some of these loved ones will even be included in your wedding party and accompany you as you stand at the altar.

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Close Relatives

Once you've added your VIPs to the list, it's time to move on to close family like aunts, uncles and first cousins. Depending on the number of relatives, your relationship to them and the desired size of your wedding ceremony and reception, you might invite all of these relatives or just a handful of them.

Family Friends

Your family friends are the people who watched you grow up, and if you're still in touch with them, they should earn a spot on your wedding guest list. Just like with close friends, you'll probably select a few people from this group to join your wedding party, and depending how close you are to them, you could even invite your wedding party's parents.

Friends

This is a pretty general and wide-reaching grouping, as you likely have friends from different parts of your life: childhood, school, sports, work, clubs, social or religious groups and more. If you're making a small wedding guest list and are limited on space, we recommend prioritizing friends who you're still in touch with today.

Distant Relatives

You probably have some relatives who you see once every few years. If you enjoy their company and think they will add to your day, feel free to invite them. But if you're not close, they shouldn't make the cut as you navigate choosing who to invite to your wedding

Acquaintances

Acquaintances like social media contacts, former colleagues, neighbors you don't know well, etc. don't make the guest list. Of course if you're having a huge, no-holds-barred wedding and inviting everyone you've ever met (and have the budget for it!), you may want to include them. Likewise, you might decide to invite your officiant to the reception.

Plus-Ones

Ah, the great plus-one debate, a mainstay when addressing how to know who to invite to your wedding. While the decision is ultimately up to you and your partner, our take on plus-one etiquette is that anyone who is in a serious relationship (engaged, married, living together, dating for over a year) should be invited with a plus-one, whether you know the partner well or not. If you want to allow all of your single guests to bring a date (and can afford it), go for it—but this is not required.

Kids

People have very mixed opinions on inviting kids to weddings. Some think they bring a sense of fun to the day, while others think they are loud and distracting. Whatever you decide, we recommend making a rule and sticking to it—no exceptions. And yes, you are allowed to only invite children who are in the wedding party (flower girls, ring bearers, etc.) and not others.

How to Decide Who to Invite to Your Wedding

So, how do you decide who to invite to your wedding? First and foremost, you'll want to think about how many guests to invite to your wedding. While the average wedding guest list size in the US is 116 guests, your target number may be far more or less than that. You can either start by choosing a venue, and determine your guest list size based on its capacity, or decide on a guest list first, then choose a venue that can accommodate that number of people. We recommend the latter, so you don't end up falling in love with a venue that can't fit all your guests.

Once you've settled on a ballpark number, it's time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and start drafting your guest list. It's a good idea to put your friends and family members into groups based on your relationships with them. Think of it like concentric "circles of trust" à la the movie Meet the Parents. Your inner circle are those closest to you, and as you move outward, you get to people who are less essential to the guest list.

Some couples set ground rules for their guest list, such as only inviting people who they have seen in person or talked to on the phone in the last year. If that works for you, go for it. But if you think there will be too many exceptions to the rules, you may have to look at each potential guest on a case-by-case basis.

Who to Invite to Your Wedding Flow Chart

If you're more of a visual learner, we've got you covered. This handy dandy flow chart outlines how to determine who to invite to your wedding.

Illustration: Fabiola Lara for The Knot,Design: Tiana Crispino,Writer: Kim Forrest

Who Not to Invite to Your Wedding

While deciding who to invite to your wedding, you'll also have to consider who not to invite. Telling someone they're not invited is never easy. In fact, it can even be pretty awkward, especially if you're navigating difficult family members. Realistically, however, there's a limited number of guests that you'll be able to accommodate. According to Townson the people on your guestlist should be the ones who bring you the most happiness, who have seen your journey as a couple and will be there to see you grow in the future. "It's not worth inviting people who you don't know well or those who will cause you stress," she says. If you need to narrow your guest list, here's a rundown of people that shouldn't make the cut.

Coworkers Who Aren't Friends

Okay, so inviting coworkers to your wedding isn't always a no-go. If you have colleagues whom you consider friends and hang out with outside of working hours, by all means invite them. However, don't feel pressured to invite those who you only see on Zoom or at the water cooler.

Estranged Family

Your wedding is the last place you'll want to rehash old family arguments or feelings of tension. When it comes to etiquette for inviting estranged family, we typically recommend leaving them off the guest list to avoid any unnecessary conflict on your special day.

Exes

Awkward! Deciding to invite your ex almost always ends with someone's feelings getting hurt. Unless you and your partner are both friends with your exes and your past relationships are water under the bridge, we recommend keeping them off the guest list.

People Who Invited You to Their Wedding But You're No Longer Friends

Friendship breakups are a very real thing. If you attended a friend's wedding years ago, but have since grown apart, don't feel pressured to reciprocate the invite. Similar to with exes, seeing former friends can result in feelings of hurt or anger.

Who Invites Guests to a Wedding

It's like we always say: It's your wedding, so you make the rules. While it's certainly courteous to consider your family members' input about who to invite to the wedding (especially if they're contributing to the event financially), both you and your partner should have the final say in the guest list. When it comes to handling pressure from your parents, Townson has one important piece of advice: "Couples need to make rules and set boundaries, draw a line and stick to it," she says. "You can disagree privately about the guest list, but you have to put on a united front so when someone comes to you, you stick to what you talked about. Parents and family members may not agree with you but it's essential to set boundaries."

If you do want your family to weigh in on your guest list, there are a few different ways you can go about it: Some couples come up with a target guest count, and then divide that into thirds—one third for the couple's friends and loved ones, a third for one partner's family to invite whomever they want and a third for the other partner's family to do the same. Other couples split their target guest count 50/50, with each partner working in tandem with their family to create their part of the list. Of course, it's possible that one partner has a much bigger family than the other, in which case, there may be a lopsided guest list.

One wedding invitation etiquette "rule": Those who are paying for the wedding should get their names listed on the invitations as hosts. Traditionally, according to wedding invitation etiquette, the bride's parents are the ones who "send" the wedding invitations, meaning they have their return address on the envelopes and RSVPs are sent to them. (Psst: Be sure to check out The Knot Invitations if you haven't already purchased your wedding stationery.) However, nowadays more couples are sending the invitations and receiving RSVPs (or doing online RSVP from their wedding website to make the process even easier!).

Additional reporting by Sofia Deeb.