How to Respond to an RSVP (Your Friends Will Thank You!)

Wedding invites always come with more paper than you'd expect. There's the invitation, the details card with accommodation and event info, and occasionally a piece of tissue to protect it all. But one critical piece requires action from you—the RSVP card. Do you know how to respond to an RSVP card correctly and when you should send it in? This tiny card holds the key to everything the couple needs to know about your attendance, and, if you don't reply, the couple will have to chase you down to find out whether you prefer the chicken or the vegetarian entrée (and they don't have time for that!).

The small piece of cardstock also gives you the opportunity to send your well-wishes and excitement for the celebration or add context to a regretful decline. Want to make sure you nail the wedding guest etiquette and shoot straight to the top of the couple's favorite guests? Here's everything you need to know about how to respond to an RSVP card, when to send it in, and what you can include to add an extra special touch during this celebratory season.

In this article: How to Respond to an RSVP | What to Put on an RSVP Card | How Far in Advance to RSVP for a Wedding | How to Put a Note to the Couple on a Wedding RSVP | RSVP Response Wording Examples

How to Respond to an RSVP

When you receive an RSVP card with a wedding invitation, take care to reply to each field, from the number of guests to meal preferences. While filling out the card is all that's required when thinking about how to respond to an RSVP, some people also like to include a quick note conveying their congratulations and excitement for the upcoming wedding.

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"Keep well-wishes short and gracious. Examples of things you could write include, 'Delighted to celebrate with you,' or 'Looking forward to your beautiful day' or even 'Can't wait,'" explains Nick Leighton, etiquette expert on the podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?

However, there are also nuances to consider with RSVP card responses, particularly as sending people to reply online becomes less of a wedding taboo. The RSVP card may have info on how to find the wedding website—which can be easily created on The Knot—and, once you're on the website, some couples may prefer you reply there. Kristen Folzenlogen, owner and designer of wedding stationer Poeme in Cincinnati, says, "The response card is currently a hot topic in my world. Is it necessary if there is a wedding website? Is it easier to provide guests with a wedding QR code?"

If you do want to give your guests the option, it's easy to explain how to RSVP online. The Knot even has a free online RSVP tool that makes it easy for both guests and couples to keep track of those guests.

Lastly, while it may seem tempting to RSVP via text, most couples will appreciate receiving the RSVP through the card or website. With so many moving parts going on during the wedding planning season, it's helpful to keep replies in one easy-to-reference spot.

What to Put on an RSVP Card

Most RSVP cards make it clear what you need to fill out. "The modern-day RSVP card included in the majority of formal wedding invitations does all the the heavy lifting, meaning, guests are simply expected to fill in a series of prompts: their name, how many guests will be attending, do they have a meal preference, will they attend ancillary events such as a welcome party or bon voyage brunch," Folzenlogen says. She adds that most cards have a due date and a self-addressed stamped envelope to make the process seamless.

Name

RSVP cards are usually simple blank forms, so the most important piece to include is your name. This is the only way the couple knows who is actually coming—or not coming—to their wedding.

Attendance

The RSVP card should have a simple yes or no checkbox for guests to indicate whether they're attending. Sending back a "no" promptly is just as critical as sending back a "yes." The couple may have other friends and family they'd like to invite, depending on space.

Number of Guests

Your envelope, as well as RSVP wording, should indicate whether you're allowed to invite a plus one. If you do get to bring along a partner, then you'll write down the number of guests and their names.

Meal Preference

Depending on how the event is structured, you may be asked to indicate your meal preference and any dietary restrictions. This includes questions like whether you prefer meat, chicken or vegetarian, or if you have allergies or needs like gluten-free.

Event Attendance

If there are other events throughout the wedding weekend, there may be a spot to confirm attendance when filling out the wedding RSVP card. This could include celebrations like welcome drinks or a farewell brunch.

Well-Wishes

It's always a nice idea to include a note with your RSVP. "Regardless of whether you are accepting or declining, the simple idea that your attendance at this once-in-a-lifetime event was important to your host deserves an expression of your gratitude. After you tick the boxes, flip that little card over and say thank you for being included," Folzenlogen says.

How Far in Advance to RSVP for a Wedding

Unless you are truly conflicted about whether or not you can attend the wedding, there's no reason to wait on mailing in your RSVP card. The more notice you give the couple, the more ability they have to plan. "From a pragmatic perspective, returning RSVP cards in a timely fashion is key to a stress-free planning process," Folzenlogen says.

If you've put off sending in your RSVP, send in the card ASAP and go the extra mile with an electronic note to let the couple know your plans. "If you're mailing close to the deadline, or if you know mail can be unreliable in your area, it's considerate to send a quick text or email letting them know it's on the way," says Lindsey Nickel, wedding planner and owner at Lovely Day Events in Napa, California.

How to Put a Note to the Couple on a Wedding RSVP

Most RSVP cards, especially those found on The Knot Invitations, include space for all the required information that goes along with an invitation. But it's always a nice gesture to include an extra note that goes beyond "yes" or "no."

"If this is a truly traditional invitation, and the RSVPs are addressed to the parents as the hosts, thank them for throwing a thoughtful celebration for their son or daughter," Folzenlogen says. However, for most couples who are receiving their own wedding RSVP cards, you can include a quick note of well-wishes.

"It's a fun and celebratory touch to add a short note of excitement or congratulations. It's like receiving bonus mail," Nickel says. "Couples love reading personal messages when they open RSVP cards; it's a wonderful way to start celebrating and really feel loved."

For those who can't attend, a note helps give context to why. "Simply tick the decline box, and include a further line or two stating one's sincere regret at not being able to attend," says Jo Hayes, founder of Etiquette Expert. "Being invited to someone's wedding is an enormous honour, and a sincere apology and expression of regret is an absolute must."

If you run out of room on the RSVP card, you can also leave a note to the couple if they've used The Knot Wedding Websites. You can search for a couple's website using their name and send a quick note of congratulations.

RSVP Response Wording Examples

Even if you're sending an RSVP card to your best childhood friend, it's still a nice gesture to include a polite note with the response. These could become heirlooms they treasure for years to come. Some of these examples also work if you need help with what to say when texting an RSVP.

How to Respond Yes to an RSVP

Polite and Formal Response

To politely respond to an RSVP, Hayes suggests wording a response like you would a quick but formal note. This is perfect for family friends or couples with whom you're not particularly close.

"Dear ___________,
Thank you so much for the beautiful invitation to your big day. We are delighted to accept, and look forward to celebrating with you in ___________. Know that you're in our thoughts and prayers in preparation.
Kindest,
___________

Fun and Informal Responses

Nickel suggests using the RSVP card as an opportunity to include a fun inside joke or a reference to time you've spent with the couple.

"We can't wait to celebrate with you and see all our friends from ___________ together!"

"So excited to dance the night away to our favorite ___________ songs together."

Short and Sweet Response

You can also include a quick note that simply states your well-wishes and enthusiasm.

"Wishing you joy as you start this new chapter, see you soon!"

Response to Parents Hosting

In some cases, the parents may be hosting the wedding, and the RSVP cards will go to them. This requires a different finessing of the note. Folzenlogen suggests adding context if the parents may not know you firsthand.

"I miss the days I spent on campus with your son. Thank you for including me; I look forward to meeting you!"

How to Respond No to an RSVP

When you have to reply "no" to a wedding invitation, it's nice to include your well-wishes despite not being able to be present on the big day.

Decline With Short and Sweet Wishes

Nickel says, "Keep declines gracious and warm. A simple note expressing your regret and sending love goes a long way. This keeps the tone positive and supportive while still making it clear you won't be attending."

"We're so sorry we can't be there in person, but we'll be doing a cheers to you from afar!"

"Sending a big hug from _____[your location]"

"We'll be raising a glass to you from afar!"

"So sad to miss it, but thrilled for you both, congratulations!"

Decline With Context

While you don't always need to explain why you won't be there, Hayes suggests including that information when it feels relevant, or it makes it clear why you absolutely can't be there.

"Dear ___________,
Thank you so much for the beautiful invitation to your wedding. We offer our profuse apologies and sincere regret that we are unable to attend, as [we have a family wedding to attend, overseas,] that same weekend. Know that you will be in our thoughts and prayers, and we look forward to hearing all about it once you return from your honeymoon.
Kindest,
_______________